Love in a body slam or having a baby (or babies)

We have had such happy news this past week of another young couple ( Eric and Stephanie!)from church sharing the news of their first pregnancy. It all brings back a rush of memories for me. Overwhelming joy and fear all at once. I'd held other people's babies and been loathe to hand them back to their parents because they felt so good in my arms. But I remember thinking, "what if I don't feel this way once it's mine? What if I don't like my own baby!?" It's not like you can go shopping and pick out the cutest, quietest one who smiles daintily as she/he fills the diaper. And let's not pretend that the thought of expelling that baby from the body doesn't fill the head with terror.
When we found out there were actually two babies (two!) I think our heads split into two different directions. I'm sure Thom started thinking, "how on earth do we feed two?" I started wondering how on earth do I feed two. He was thinking monetarily...I was thinking breastfeeding.
I gained about 40- 42 pounds with the girls. I was put on totally un-necessary bedrest for the last three months. I say unnecessary because I was very healthy, it was just the prescribed thing to do with multiple pregnancies at the time. (a side note: when Thom's mom was pregnant with him, her ob told her not to quit smoking or having her nightly gin and tonic as it would cause her to gain weight! At the time they thought any more than 20 pounds was a danger to the infant!) The girls were born 3 weeks early by c-section and just lovely. Annie, at 5lb 6 oz still had little wee curled ears that hadn't yet unfurled. Emma was a whopping 5 lbs 10 oz. They were so tiny that they mewled like kittens when they cried for the first few weeks...
It's amazing how it hits you when those babies are first placed in your arms. Who knew love could do a body slam? That love isn't just emotional, it's truly physical.
When they were four years old and I became prenant with Jedd, I was once again worried. It certainly couldn't be possible that this little one could bear a place in my heart as strong as the girls...I mean my girls were special ! (it's good that I didn't dwell to deeply on this or I'd probably had developed a complex about my relationship with my mother, me being her third and all...)
I remember reading everything I could lay my hands on about giving birth naturally as I was determined to give birth naturally this time.
I remember going to a new ob this time and my very healthy looking twins skipping alongside for our appointment. First he measured my belly and said ,"I think there's more than one baby, actually I think there's more than two." What! Fear strikes the heart. Then he looks at my rosy-cheeked daughters and says, "Have they been ill?" What? My healthy girls?......No,... they're not healthy girls. They have fifths disease, which he is concerned could affect this pregnancy. My heart sinks.
At 14 weeks we find that it was not three babies, but two. One of whom has died in utero. The top baby, who has a chance of miscarrying and thereby taking the healthy baby with it. God gives peace. ( I have no idea if the fifth's had an effect on the baby or not...I tend to think it was all coincidence)
God also gives me a doctor who trusts the woman's body to do its job the way it was created to. He encourages the vbac delivery. I worry when I gain about 30 pounds because I remember my mother- in -law's rules. that was then. My doc says as long as I'm eating healthy and my blood pressure etc. is fine I'm not to worry at all.:) Good man!
He lets me deliver totally natural and the only worry now is how I'll feel when this child is placed in my arms. Yep. Love does a body slam once again. My child. Three children. Love.
( anyone who wants to hear lovely, happy birth stories feel free to call. I LOVE giving birth! LOVE IT!)
I remember my cousin warning me to live life before I give birth, as once the children come life as we know it ends. What crap! Life begins. Life has meaning. I had love for Thom before children. But the deep love that I have for him after children is astounding! Our marital love has grown as the kids have grown. Our love and faith in Christ has grown exponentially with the addition and growth of children.
We are honored to be given the opportunity to raise children. I am humbled that God trusts me with them. And.... I really, really like my kids:)