Parenting is hard and it is exhausting. Lately I''ve been trying to get the point across to the twins that college is not the end all and be all of life. There are so many other options out there. There are apprenticeships, travel and plain old work. Please don't misunderstand-I'm not trying to talk them out of college. I just feel like our society has pushed across such an importance on taught education as contrasted to self-taught education. Not attending college hardly makes one un-educated. Thom and I look at all our friends and question how many of them needed the degree they possess to do what they're doing? Some definately do...doctors, lawyers, engineers. Some could have gone to a cooking school and been better off and happier. Or started a business and learned trial by error.
I always hear that kids need the life experience of college. I don't see college as life experience. I see life as life experience. I see college for many ( not all! ) as opting out of real life and staying in school a bit longer to avoid life. Before you get your knickers in a twist reading this...I am not anti-college! I think holding down a job and going to classes as well is great. I do not want to put a second mortgage on my house to send my kids there under the guise of parental responsibility. Since when!?
I graduated from a very good boarding school and went off to Florida to work on a scallop boat. I experienced life! It was hard and exhilarating. I'm not saying I want my kids to do that...but I don't want them to feel forced into debt either. I'm not against high school graduates flying over to europe and seeing the world. I prefer it done on a mission field than free fall.
I'm really just thinking out loud...I don't like the pressure I see my girls under right now thinking they need to have a clue at 16 y.o. what they want to do with their future...it makes me sad. They haven't experienced enough actual life to make a decision like that. I want them to be learning things now because it excites them. Not because some official somewhere said they need to know it to graduate. What sense does that make? I'm very frustrated and any feedback in any way for either side of this college thought would be appreciated. Set me straight with your logic please if you disagree because I'm at a loss here. I'm all at sea on this one. I want happy productive kids who'll be happy productive adults. My kids at this point probably believe I don't want them to go to school and I know it is coming across that way. That's not it at all...I just don't want them to feel forced to go to school .....I should probably delete this, I'm fairly certain it's going to get me into trouble...
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My goodness, Kate, you wrote just what we were going through with our own children -- in our case, we hit the mission field just at that time. College is a VERY expensive way to get UNreal "life" experiences...why not just rent them a flat somewhere and let them learn how to live on their own?! Much cheaper. Truer to life.
I also am not against college -- and I do see many students studying specifically what they want to do. Krissy. Faith. (Those two come to mind quickly.) Ah, Jamie. But, for many, it's just the next step. I personally went to college just because it was what EVERYONE did after high school. I really wish I had taken at least a year off. Turns out I dropped out. Volunteered. Taught sailing in the summers on the Cape. Went BACK to school. Again, didn't graduate. I have not suffered too much for not having a degree -- only VERY rarely was there something I couldn't do simply because I didn't have a degree.
We told our kids that if they knew what they wanted to do, we'd be sure to help them get the education to do it. Jamie began looking at Berkley in Boston. Instead he's at the conservatory in Kyiv.
Didn't mean to go off on all of this...I just feel your struggle. Been there.
PRAYING for you...
Marianna, you are truly such a Godsend...Did you know that Berklee is where Thom graduated from? He uses that music degree a whole lot building houses and stuff...not. Annie actually showed me a school after I posted this that made sense for her...And it's ten thousand less than Covenant. Belhaven in Mississippi...it has an extensive arts program and that's where that girl needs to be! (not Belhaven necessarily, but art school)And she has enough credits to graduate early but doesn't want too...YEAH!! It was really too much for me to think of letting them go a year before I needed too. Please do keep praying for us (all of us parents going through this!)you're a sweetheart Mrs. Peipon!
Actually I think that Thom mentioned something to Jamie at the time -- something like Berklee was NOT the place for a nice Christian young man, or something to that effect! Lynne, John, Jamie and I checked it out... I'm glad we moved to Ukraine before he would have graduated...what an education he's getting NOW!
Did you know that Jeanne's Kolya is a homebuilder?
No I did not know that...but they make fabulous husbands!:) she's choosing wisely!
I agree that college is definitely misused and that there are many other options; we go the very affordable college way in our house, for better or worse (and because Tim's job helps), and so far, God is directing through the first two experiences. It is definitely not a cure all, end all, and I don't think some people belong in college at all. However, it seems that it is the way God is using to HELP direct our girls so far, and by no means are they locked into what they are studying; but a community college for the first couple years (or even longer, whatever, they're young, let them explore options and see what interests them), and then a state institution to polish things up... again, ok for Faith and Sarah so far, but who knows with the rest? We take one day and one year at a time and do a lot of praying! We suggested Anna take a smattering of different things, and see if any pique her interest (so far, not yet), but if it takes years, so be it, or if God directs her elsewhere, so be it...time will tell. As with homeschool, we are all different and each family has to do what God calls them to...I always get myself in trouble when I start comparing to all of you others who seem to be doing such a better job than I!! :>) Every family is different and unique; I will be praying for direction for you all! Try not to fret (look who is talking, eh? The chief of all worriers!) But I know that's not what I should be doing....anyway, love you!
Sue,
we're none of us supposed to worry, I know...but I haven't met a parent yet who doesn't fret over one side of this issue or the other...:) I'm trying to let go of it...truly...
hey --fyi
Belhaven is in Jackson--Pat Eubanks lives close--also other friends--that would be happy to adopt a Maryland girl part time!
I totally agree that not everyone needs to go to college. And you are so right that at 16 and 17 years old most kids don't know what they'd like to do with the rest of their lives. Jake just told me that he'd like to have a couple of more years of life experience (and be totally fluent in Spanish) before he goes off to college even though he is now graduated (a year early). I'm grateful because sending another kiddo back to the States now would be very difficult on me. We've told all our kiddos all we want is for them to love God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. Everything else is secondary. No doubt some need college, but some don't. I also agree that life experience is superior to college experience. Any takers for a missions trip to Bolivia? Our college plan for our kids is that the ones that choose to go will get a job and pay their own way. When something is paid for by them it becomes much more important to them and also ensures that they want to go not just that they are doing it 'just because'. These are just a few random thoughts to say that I agree with your musings and encourage you to keep it up. I think we rush kids too much in American society and they end up not wanting to grow up.
Both of Charlie's cousins received their undergraduate degrees from Belhaven. John is a philosophy professor at Covenant College; Clifton is a math professor at Delta State. They are both accomplished pianists.
My guys are in college, by different routes. Thomas went into the Marines to get money for college and is now a junior physics major at Covenant. John worked full-time as a landscaper and went part-time to Cape Cod Community College. Now he's full-time at UMass Amherst and interning at a law office. Both avenues provided lots of practical experience and the ability to pay their own way through school - not to mention the maturity to make it on their own.
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